The Pros and Cons of Getting Married Young
Is delaying marriage always the best path?
I am a young wife. I got engaged when I was only 18 years old and married two years later. This turn of events was shocking to everyone but mostly to my father. My father was furious. Actually, he was just jealous. He couldn’t stand the idea that his little girl was about to leave the nest.
However, after getting to know my fiancée back then and seeing how much of a great guy he is, things changed. He gave him his blessings. And we are the happiest, youngest married couple today.
The Pros
You are Less Picky
From my personal experience, almost all of my older friends who have postponed marriage, are not married yet because they have become picky perfectionists overtime. It seems that the older you get, the pickier you become. Maybe it is because you unconsciously start comparing your current partner with your former partners, or maybe it is just that the older you are, the harder it is to tolerate humans in general.
However, when I compare my experience to some of my contemporaries who have taken my same path. I can’t help but notice how flexible young love is. It is much more simple. It is give and take. But most importantly, it is realistic. That’s because you still haven’t achieved much, nor have you been with many different people; this makes it easier to close your eyes to some of your partner’s flaws. You realize you aren’t perfect either. Both of you are young and bound to make some mistakes. You know you still have a lot to learn. Together.
At the beginning of your youth, you are more realistic financially too. You know that there is a budget because you very probably live on one.
You are More Successful in Reaching Your Professional and Academic Goals
My father was concerned marriage would distract me and consequently make me fail academically. But it turns out it is the other way around. Marriage was the key to success for both of us. It made us much more responsible and successful. My husband is doing a lot better in his job, and I am a 3.8 GPA university student today. Both of us have become a lot more productive.
I try as much as I can to fill my free time with useful things, like writing, researching, and working on my skills — these same activities were rather boring to me before marriage. Meanwhile, my husband has become this super multitasking hero who sometimes works on Saturdays and Sundays too. Which might sound stressful, but it isn't. We are happier than ever. I no longer have anxiety problems. Ever since I got married, they just disappeared. I don’t really know why. Probably, it is because marital life promotes stability and emotional security which allows you and your partner to focus more on your goals. Goals that become mutual and shared after marriage.
Emotional Security
I have always been a serious person, especially when it comes to relationships. I was so scared of having my feelings hurt by someone else. I would not ever consider casual dating or giving anyone the slightest chance unless I was 100% sure about my and his feelings. In fact, my husband is my first love, first boyfriend, first everything. And I am glad it turned out this way.
Marriage gives you emotional stability and security; it gives you definite and long-term clarity about your relationship. Vague relationships and breakups are exhausting, especially when you’re young and fragile. As much as marriage might seem terrifying while you're still young, it is still the best decision you could ever make if you're mature enough to choose the right partner. Marriage can save you from the numerous failing relationships you might get yourself into; toxic relationships that could potentially increase your fear of commitment.
Two Heads are Better than One
When it is the right time, and with the right person, two is better than one; especially when you are still young, and your personality and way of thinking are still changing. When making decisions and planning ahead, both of you will benefit from seeing things from two different perspectives; it will make you grow into the best and most mature versions of yourselves.
I am talking about life planning, going on vacations, eating habits, even sleep quality. Everything is better in two, especially for young married people as they can better appreciate and benefit from the two heads are better than one concept. For older couples, this concept is a bit more difficult to perceive because habits, stubbornness, and pickiness come in the middle.
“In most of us, by the age of 30, the character has set like plaster and will never soften again.”
Adjusting to Marriage is Easier
Marrying young is basically moving from your parents' house to your own. This means that you don't really have time to develop that many habits and preferences on your own. Marriage will probably be your first living away from family experience, except you are not alone. You are forming your own family now; that is, you are much more likely to get along with your partner and build a daily routine enjoyed by both of you.
You will find it very easy to live under the same roof. After all, marriage is all about uniting two sets of personalities, habits, expectations, perceptions, etc. This process is a lot easier when you are younger — there still isn't much you have to adapt to.
The Cons
You Might be Too Immature for Marriage
Marriage is doomed to fail without maturity. Although young age is usually associated with immaturity, that is not the case for everyone. Sometimes I meet people who are like ten years older than me and yet unbelievably immature, so age isn't an indicator of maturity. But if you find yourself young and also immature, then it isn't really the right time to choose your life partner.
Maturity is a prerequisite for picking the right person for you and sticking with them. For a marriage to work, you have to make compromises; you have to be capable of letting go and forgiving. Sometimes, when friends and family drama comes in the middle, you have to be the bigger person and focus on what really matters to you. Your partner. All of this requires an immense amount of maturity, patience, and understanding.
'What if' Thinking
What if I waited until after graduation? What if I delayed marriage after my 30s? Getting married young means that you don't get to give yourself a chance with that many other people. It also means you don't get to see how your life may have turned out otherwise. You will start thinking 'what if'…What if I just stayed with my parents and avoided this kind of responsibility until I was older?
When I find myself thinking that way, I immediately take the actual examples around me of 'what if'. And I couldn't be more thankful for having made the right decision and sticking with the man I love this early. Some things in life are meaningless to postpone. If you're sure about what you want, go get it already. Why wait?
Pros vs. Cons
A friend of mine taught me this trick. Whenever I find myself at a crossroads, I write down a list of the pros and cons of the crucial decision I am about to make. If the pros outweigh the cons, then it is definitely the right decision. When I got engaged, I wrote down this list that I just shared with you — taking into consideration I had changed a lot over a span of just two years. I turned into this very responsible, mature person at 18. And although I wasn't thinking about getting into a relationship at that time, I had the privilege to meet him. And the moment we met, it felt like I have known him since forever. Nothing made more sense than being with him.
If you ever find yourself in my position, my advice for you: Don't think twice. You won't have any regrets — been there, done that.
